Archive for September 20th, 2010
The Four Agreements III
The third agreement, Don’t Make Assumptions, is profoundly connected to the second. When we make assumptions about anything or any one, at conscious and/or subconscious levels we become invested in expectations. When our expectations are not met, we take it personally.
Don Miguel says, “We make assumptions that everyone sees life the way we do.” This assuming is particularly evident at the beginning of a romantic relationship. Both parties asking few questions, assuming a great deal, and over-investing in their expectations. As the romantic phase fades, reality sets in and the parties are stunned by their failed expectations.
Asking questions and clarifying communication are the keys for avoiding the ensuing drama of making assumptions. The majority of us are quite timid when it comes to this critical aspect of communication; afraid to make ourselves vulnerable; fearful of being judged.
In The Four Agreements Don Miguel states, “If you don’t understand something, it is better for you to ask and be clear, instead of making an assumption. The day you stop making assumptions you will communicate cleanly and clearly, free of emotional poison. Without making assumptions your word becomes impeccable.”