Archive for February, 2021
The Four Agreements III
The third agreement, “Don’t Make Assumptions,” is profoundly connected to the second. When we make assumptions about anything or any one, at conscious and/or subconscious levels we become invested in expectations. When our expectations are not met, we take it personally.
Don Miguel says, “We make assumptions that everyone sees life the way we do.” This assuming is particularly evident at the beginning of a romantic relationship. Both parties asking few questions, assuming a great deal, and over-investing in their expectations. As the romantic phase fades, reality sets in and the parties are stunned by their failed expectations.
Asking questions and clarifying communication are the keys for avoiding the ensuing drama of making assumptions. The majority of us are quite timid when it comes to this critical aspect of communication; afraid to make ourselves vulnerable; fearful of being judged.
In The Four Agreements Don Miguel states, “If you don’t understand something, it is better for you to ask and be clear, instead of making an assumption. The day you stop making assumptions you will communicate cleanly and clearly, free of emotional poison. Without making assumptions your word becomes impeccable.”
The Four Agreements II
The second agreement in the Toltec Wisdom book, The Four Agreements, is “Don’t Take Anything Personally.”
The human majority believe that other people or situations can make us respond in certain ways. For example, ‘My boss made me so angry.’ or ‘My friend really hurt my feelings.’ We re-act from a place of conditioning. Anger is a choice, albeit also a conditioned response. As Don Miguel states, the comments and behaviors of others which ‘hurt’ us, hurt us because these things touch personal wounds that we carry.
To not take things personally is very challenging work. Yet, when we establish the habit of non-reaction to the feedback of others, both positive and negative, we find our true center, our true self-esteem.
The Four Agreements
In his book The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz details what may appear at first to be four simple tenets for the spiritual warrior.
The first agreement is to “…Be Impeccable with Your Word.” Words are a potent power. Words can soothe and support or incite and ruin. It is a great challenge to master our use of words. Don Miguel states that… ”Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy; it means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself.”
When we consistently show this honor and respect for ourselves, we will treat others in kind. This process is rooted in our thoughts. I invite you to become an active observer and editor of your thoughts; thoughts about yourself and others. When the emotions of fear, envy, hate, condemnation, lust, greed and gossip to name a few, dominate your thinking, it is not possible to be impeccable with your word.
Bringing the truth and love voice of our inner editor to our thought process will reduce our use of negative words. The integrity and power of our word can then be honored, even among our enemies.
Calm
Continuing the simple theme, today I share with you these quotes for meditating on calm.
“Many a calm river begins as a turbulent waterfall, yet none hurtles and foams all the way to the sea.” ~Mikhail Lermontov
“When adversity strikes, that’s when you have to be the most calm. Take a step back, stay strong, stay grounded and press on.” ~LL Cool J
“Where there’s a storm, from one moment to the next, God can bring calm. That’s why I have faith. I confide in him and give myself to his hands.” ~Yoel Romero
Many Blessings!
