Insights – Melannie Thomas

Archive for the ‘Coaching Tips’ Category

We all make promises.  With maturity and wisdom comes an awareness of our capacity to fulfill the promises made.

To maintain our integrity we learn to not make promises that we cannot keep…to ourselves or to others.  And, if finding ourselves in the embarrassing and awkward position of being unable to keep a promise, acknowledge it, confess to the shortcoming, for whatever reason.

This powerful quote from Carl Jung is good food for thought about giving and receiving promises.

“The man who promises everything is sure to fulfill nothing, and everyone who promises too much is in danger of using evil means in order to carry out his promises, and is already on the road to perdition.”

Blessings!

Time is both a noun and a verb.  It measures the progress of events in the past, present and even the future when when taken as a whole.  Time is a schedule, a measurement of activity, a plan for the unfolding of future events.

A cornucopia of phrases exists relative to our experience of time:  ‘Best of times, worst of times’,  ‘Time is money’,  ‘Time waits for no man’, ‘Time flies’,  ‘Time is short and there is long time’, ‘Out of time’,  ‘Passing time’, ‘Quiet time’, ‘Time out’, ‘Time is now’, Time zones’,  ‘Time management’,  ‘Race against time’,  ‘Timeless’,  ‘Time is of the essence’,  ‘Wasted time’,  ‘On time’, ‘Timely’,  ‘Timeline’,  to list a few.

The sundials of ancient Babylon, popularized in ancient Egypt, are the earliest man made tools for measuring time.  Monoliths throughout the world both large and small marked the passing of seasons…the equinoxes and solstices.  Examples like Stonehenge, Ahu Akivi, Chacko Canyon, Machu Picchu, and the Sphinx, still do so today, with remarkable accuracy.

Tracking time evolved from ancient sundials through mechanical clocks that required water to function, to the pendulum, then to the spring drive and into the myriad forms present today…digital, electric, analog, hybrid, touchscreen etc.

Steve Jobs said, “It’s clear that the most precious resource we all have is time.”

We all have a time budget.  How we spend it has a direct influence on the quality of daily living, on our physical, emotional and spiritual health;  and often upon those around us.   Knowing our own bio-rhythms, our individual tolerance for activity or lack thereof, our goals, desires, passions, creativity, all contribute to spending time.

Albert Einstein reportedly used the following analogy to explain his relativity theory, “When you sit with a nice girl for two hours you think it’s only a minute, but when you sit on a hot stove for a minute you think it’s two hours.”

How we spend or endure time has the same quality.  When doing what we enjoy, what we love, ‘time flies’.  Time spent doing what is unpleasant and ‘time slows to a crawl’.

This week I invite you to examine your ‘time budget’.  Is it working well?

“Time is the coin of your life.  It is the only coin you have. and only you can determine how it will be spent.”  ~Carl Sandburg

Blessings!

For the fourth time in three years, fire ravages my heart.

I was born and raised in St. Helena.  I moved to the Sonoma Valley when I was 29; later moving to Santa Rosa, and subsequently migrating to West Sonoma County in my early forties.

I spent the second grade at Foothills School in Deer Park; spent decades swimming the warm waters of Putah Creek and then Lake Berryessa after the dam was built.  I have hiked the Pallisades, lived in the Toll House on Lawly Toll Rd; swam the icy waters of Las Posades; spent hours playing at the Old Bale Mill before it became a historic State Park.  I love Glass Mountain and my ‘…hills of home.’

I have hiked hours and hours in Annadel and Armstrong; several Regional Parks;  Sugarloaf;  part of the Kortum Trail and Bodega Head.  I have played at Goat Rock and Portugese Beach, flown my kites at the top of Coleman Valley Rd.; swam in the Russian River and Lake Sonoma after the dam was built;  marveled at the history of the Round Barn…loving the ‘hills of my second home.’

Watching the tree-filled landscapes and landmarks of childhood through to my twilight years, that have  so unconditionally supported the journey to my authentic self, being transmuted by fire, brings a flood of grief into my soul-self.  Tears flow unbidden, crossing my cheeks, dripping from my face into the abyss of change.

The heat in the crucible of growth is more intense than I ever could have imagined at this time in my life.  Peace and comfort come as the authentic self accepts and allows; observing and engaging the unfolding.

Blessings!

Photo Credit – Alvin A.H. Jornada/The Press Democrat, Sept. 29, 2020

As a people, a nation, a tribe, humanity struggles to find a way through the miasma of our civilization.  The Frankenstein Monster we have created threatens our survival on a daily basis in myriad forms; seen and unseen.

“I see the world being slowly transformed into a wilderness.  I hear the approaching thunder that, one day, will destroy us too.  I feel the suffering of millions.” ~Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

Digging deeply into our soul-selves, pursuing faith, trusting the Numinous to lead us out of the wilderness, demands that we find the necessary tools and strategies for balance and survival.

One tool I find increasingly helpful and supportive is Mark Nepo’s, The Book of Awakening.   The entry for September 23 is Repetition is Not Failure.

“There is no expected pace for inner learning.  What we need to learn comes when we need it, no matter how old or young, no matter how many times we have to start over, no matter how many times we have to learn the same lesson.  We fall down as many times as we need to, to learn how to fall and get up.  We fall in love as many times as we need to, to learn how to hold and be held.  We misunderstand the many voices of truth as many times as we need to, to truly hear the choir of diversity that surrounds us.  We suffer our pain as often as is necessary for us to learn how to break and how to heal.  No one really likes this, of course, but we deal with our dislike in the same way, again and again, until we learn what we need to know about the humility of acceptance.”

Be kind to yourself.  Be gentle.  Muzzle the inner critic.  Actively engage self-care.  Take time out.  In the depth of your soul-self seek the sanctuary of inner peace.  And when you find it, visit often!

Blessings!

As the struggle continues to find, and/or to maintain our emotional, spiritual and physical balance in the milieu of crisis fatigue, I share this quote with you this week. It is a good piece upon which to meditate.

“Balance is a feeling derived from being whole and complete;  it’s a sense of harmony.  It is essential to maintaining quality in life and work.”  ~Joshua Osenga

Stay safe!

Many blessings!!

I love poetic expression; each piece pioneering territory unexplored.  Insight, comfort, inspiration, creativity, personal process, social reflection, and prayer are symbolically revealed in countless forms.

The pieces that follow are from a lovely book of poems by Nancy Wood, with paintings by Frank Howell–Spirit Walker.  Enjoy!

 Spirit Walker

Spirit walker, with long legs poking out of rain clouds

Along the mesa tops,

Listen to our prayers for understanding.

Spirit walker, with strong arms embracing the wounded Earth,

We ask forgiveness for our greed.

Spirit walker, with footsteps echoing like promises

Across the aching land,

Give fire and ice to purify us.

Spirit walker, with tears that fall as Snow and Rain,

Heal our forests and our rivers,

Our homes and the hearts of all creatures.

Spirit walker, heed the cry of every living thing,

And bathe the Earth with harmony.

Native Blessing

Bless these our circumstances.

Bless the hardship and the pain.

Bless the hunger and the thirst.

Bless the locusts and the drought.

Bless the things which do not turn out right.

Bless those who take all and give not.

In these circumstances, find growth.

In growth, discover clarity.

In clarity, an inner vision.

Many blessings!

Stepping Out of Fear

“I will always have fears, but I need not be my fears, for I have other places within myself from which to speak and act.”  ~ Parker J. Palmer

“No feeling takes over our lives more suddenly or more completely than fear.  It seems to come up from nowhere and, in a blink or swallow, can infect everything.”

The above quotes come from Mark Nepo’s  The Book of Awakening,  August 30 entry page 284.  They succinctly express our relationship with fear.

Our feelings come and go as they please.  The power to control their effect lies squarely in how we choose to react.  I really resonate with Parker Palmer when he says, ‘I have other places within myself from which to speak and act.’

Fear is a powerful, useful emotion.  It alerts us to the threat of harm, to the presence of danger, physical and psychological.

Beyond the personal realm, fear can be used as a weapon of manipulation to gain control of others through religion, government, media, societal norms, and by individuals in inter-dependent relationships.

“Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation can be trusted to act humanely or to think sanely under the influence of great fear.”  ~Bertrand Russell

The power to choose to entertain or not entertain fear is up to us.  Each of us finding the methods, tools and strategies that work toward overcoming our fears.  Last week’s blog,  Staying Calm and Centered,  is filled with practices, with actions we can take to master fear.

“He who has overcome his fears will truly be free.”  ~Aristotle

Blessings!

So much is outside our personal control right now, from the global pandemic and rampant unemployment, to the widespread raging wildfires, yet again. There is an almost unbearable uncertainty.  It is especially important to harness our inner resources in order to remain centered and not give way to the palpable anxiety that is all around. How?

This first tip comes from an article by Linda Esposito, LCSW, published in the Psychology Today blog, on May 14, 2014.

“Start Deep Breathing.

If you’re not focused on how to calm your body through slow, intentional belly-breathing, you’re missing out. Belly-breathing is free, location independent, and easy to implement. Here’s how to get started:

• Sit with your eyes closed and turn your attention to your breathing. Breathe naturally, preferably through the nostrils, without attempting to control your breath.
• Be aware of the sensation of the breath as it enters and leaves the nostrils. Place one hand on your belly, and the other on your chest. Take a deep breath for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of three. Exhale for a count of four. The hand on your belly should go out as you inhale, and move in as you exhale.
• Concentrate on your breath and forget everything else. Your mind will be very busy, and you may even feel that the meditation is making your mind busier, but the reality is you’re just becoming more aware of how busy your mind is.
• Resist the temptation to follow the different thoughts as they arise, and focus on the sensation of the breath. If you discover that your mind has wandered and is following your thoughts, immediately return it to the breath.
• Repeat this as many times as necessary until your mind settles on the breath. Don’t wait to begin belly-breathing. The sooner you make this a daily habit, the quicker you’ll feel relaxed.

When you implement belly breathing, you start the day in a here-and-now state. Better yet, you’re not wasting time worrying about the future or reliving the past.”

Find the rest of the article here:  “21 Quick Tips to Change Your Anxiety Forever.”

The next tip on staying centered, comes from an article by Bess O’Connor, published in the Spirituality & Health blog, on November 30, 2015.

“10 Affirmation for Staying Centered”

“Staying centered is key in life. When you’re centered, you can avoid getting easily led astray, becoming out of balance, and getting swept up in the whirlwind that is life.

“Mana is a term originally used in Polynesian and Melanesian cultures to describe an extraordinary power or force residing in a person or an object, a sort of spiritual electricity that charges anyone who touches it.  Carl Jung later defined the term as ‘the unconscious influence of one being on another.’ What Jung speaks to is the fact that the energy of being real has more power than outright persuasion, debate, or force of will.  He suggests that being who we are always releases an extraordinary power that, without intent or design, affects the people who come in contact with such realness.

The beautiful and simple truth of this can be seen in looking at the sun.  The sun, without intent or will or plan or sense of principle, just shines, thoroughly and constantly.  By being itself, the sun warms with its light, never withholding or warming only certain things of the Earth.  Rather, the sun emanates in all directions all the time, and things grow.  In the same way, when we are authentic, expressing our warmth and light in all directions, we cause things around us to grow.  When our souls like little suns express the light of who we are, we emanate what Jesus called love and what Buddha called compassion, and the roots of community lengthen.

In this way, without any intent to shape others, we simply have to be authentic, and a sense of mana, of spiritual light and warmth, will emanate from our very souls, causing others to grow—not toward us, but toward the light that moves through us.  In this way, by being who we are, we not only experience life in all its vitality, but, quite innocently and without design, we help others be more thoroughly themselves.  In being real, in staying devoted to this energy of realness, we help each other grow toward the one vital light.”

~Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening, pg. 106

Blessings!

We are all acutely aware of the controversy surrounding wearing a mask and practicing social distancing.  I believe social distancing is not an accurate term.

What we are, in fact, doing is physical distancing.  This behavior should be labeled as such.

The connotation that comes with social distancing implies a greater scope of relating to each other.  Socializing by definition is the act or practice of participating in social activities…mingling with others; inherent most social activity is physical closeness…movies, sports events, parades, fairs, family gatherings, weddings, funerals, etc.

Eye contact, smiles, hugs, and intimate conversations are all part of socializing.  But physical distancing limits or prohibits many of these activities.  However, it is critically important that we don’t forego social contact, creating isolation, anxiety and depression.  A smile can be seen in the eyes even when a mask covers most of the face.  Cards, letters, e-mails, texting, face time, zoom and connecting with friends and loved ones by phone are also part of social contact.

I invite you to practice physical distancing, but stay connected to others.

Blessings!