Insights – Melannie Thomas

Archive for the ‘Finding Your Center’ Category

Tact is a key practice in psychospiritual development and maturity.  Tact requires an understanding of others; their ideas, beliefs, opinions and feelings.  It aids in effective communication, especially when dealing with difficult or delicate situations.

“Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.”  ~Isaac Newton

The tactful use of words requires a judicious use of sensitivity, discernment, subtlety, skill, prudence and diplomacy.  To attain fluency requires practice and good judgment.  Applicable to all relationships, tactful dialogue improves communication and builds mutual respect.

“Don’t flatter yourselves that friendship authorizes you to say disagreeable things to your intimates.  On the contrary, the nearer you come into relation with a person, the more necessary do tact and courtesy become.”  ~Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

None of us will ever achieve perfection in the fullness of tactful expression.  Emotional triggers are not always containable by the artful use of this powerful skill.  However, commitment to daily practice as part of our spiritual discipline, will produce a high yield of authentic communication, self-esteem and inner peace.

“Tact is the intelligence of the heart.”  ~Anonymous

Blessings!

Effortless behaviors, actions and words are smooth, flowing, easy, elegant and graceful.  They are simple, painless, trouble-free and straightforward.

The Fr, effort and LL, effortiare roots of the word ‘effort’ mean to strengthen, compel; strenuous exertion.  Behind effortless movement is work, often hard work, and commitment.

There are those among us who embody an ease and graceful elegance that appear as a natural part of their being.  Alas, the rest of us are bereft of this gift.

However, even those so gifted must engage discipline, focus, and repetitive practice to achieve effortless activity.

A wonderful example is Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.  “Fred Astaire’s style, elegance and graceful approach to movement made him the most acclaimed dancer in the motion picture industry.”  (Los Angeles Times, June 1987).  Ginger Rogers, singer, actress and Astaire’s dance partner is famously cited for doing everything Fred Astaire did, only backwards while wearing high heels.  (Frank & Ernest Cartoon, Bob Thaves, 1982).  They had to work hard, put forth strenuous effort and dedicated practice to achieve those stunning results.

Knowing that elegant, smooth, effortless behavior can be attained through diligent practice and commitment to achieve some degree of mastery of this art, is inspiring.  And that achievement can have broad ranging effects on our overall enjoyment, quality of life and inner peace.

“If you’re not someone who has a natural and effortless love for yourself, it’s hard to let go of your desire to please other people, and that is really not an ingredient for a happy life.”  ~Anne Hathaway

And this quote by Debbie Ford, “When you know in your bones that your body is a sacred gift, you move in the world with an effortless grace.  Gratitude and humility rise up spontaneously.”

I invite you this week to examine your own effortless behaviors, and acknowledge and celebrate the body of work, practice and commitment behind them.

Blessings!

It began March 5 and will go direct on March 28, having spent the entire time in Pisces.  Mercury rules thought and communication, add the watery influence of Pisces, and communication and thinking can be overwrought with emotionalism.

During this retrograde the full moon was a supermoon, and it occurred simultaneously with the vernal equinox.  That is a lot of energy!

Although we tend to focus on the negative side of Mercury retrogrades (and this one seems particularly disruptive to communication networks of all kinds and to our emotional fragility), there is another perspective.

“Try to see things differently – It’s the only way to get a clearer perspective on the world and on your life.”  ~Neal Shusterman

Mercury retrogrades provide an opportunity to slow down, to focus inward, to self-reflect.  They offer copious circumstances for practicing patience.  They can reveal things we need to change; in our way of thinking and our way of communicating.

Communication challenges, for example, can lead to relationship breakthroughs, and assist us in finding more authentic expression.

It is a great time to examine our communication style in both our outer and inner world.  How do you talk to yourself?  Are you kind, compassionate, loving and supportive?  How do you talk to others?  Is it different than your inner dialogue?

“We all get so caught up in the moment of what we are doing everyday, it’s hard to hit the reset button and get pulled away from all that and see life from a different perspective.”  ~Tony Stewart

Intangibles are things we cannot physically touch or see; not having a physical presence.  They are elusive and imperceptible by the logical mind.

Love is a great intangible.  We experience it, we feel it, but we can’t touch it, and how love functions is hard to understand by the rational, thinking mind.  ‘Madly in love…’ is a phrase often used to describe the chemistry between two people, yet what does that mean?   The adjective impalpable is a synonym for intangible, meaning…a real feeling that can’t be logically explained, it is elusive and imperceptible by way of reasoning.

“Music is intangible and ephemeral, but it comes from the home world of spirit, and though so fleeting, it is recognized by the spirit as a soul-speech fresh from the celestial realms, an echo from the home whence we are now exited, and therefore it touched a cord in our being, regardless of whether we realize the cause or not.”   ~Max Heindel

Self-confidence, creativity, altruism, feelings of joy, sadness, anger, disappointment, inspiration, passion, zeal, excitement and warmth are some examples of intangible energies.  We feel them with our intuitive, spirit-sensing self, yet they have power and meaning in the personal and social milieu.

Intangibility in sports, for example, are the aspects of a players personality and/or style of playing that cannot be described or defined by statistics such as their leadership and enthusiasm.

Science does not study intangibles.  Although there are social and psychological studies regarding behavior and feelings, they cannot be reduced to a pat, predictable formula in a testing laboratory.  Therefore, our experience of the intangible is relegated to anecdotal  processes.

Intangibility makes up a greatly significant portion of our day to day experience.  We can’t touch or see it, but we feel the impalpable, moment by moment.

“Your most precious, valued possessions and your greatest powers are invisible and intangible.  No one can take them.  You, and you alone, can give them….”  ~W. Clement Stone

As we move closer to the Spring Equinox, I invite you this week to focus your awareness on the grand world of the intangible.

Blessing!

“A level of quality or attainment; Something used as a measure, norm, or model in comparative evaluations; Principles of conduct informed by notions of honor and decency.” ~The Oxford Dictionary

There is much talk lately about ethics and doing the right thing, particularly as we watch the daily drama of our national political process. I refer back to my earlier post on The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:

The fourth agreement  is to “Always Do Your Best.”  Making this agreement a routine, a habit assures the implementation and success of the other three.

We don’t try, we do.  Often we hold ourselves to unrealistic standards.  Believing, for example, that we can watch TV all day yet still find the time and energy to meet the day’s demands.  Conversely, we may believe that always doing your best means that always performing prodigiously is a personal standard.  Both of these beliefs are inherently flawed.

One cannot twitter away the day and expect to not be rushed, frustrated and unhappy with chores, commitments and goals left undone or only partially completed.  Likewise,  always doing our best does not mean performing at the same level regardless of what is going on in our life at the moment.  For example, you cannot be at the same energetic level of action when your are ill versus when you are in top physical condition.

What is imperative is doing your best in the moment, regardless of whatever circumstances the moment brings.  There is no more.  There is only the best effort in the moment for the conditions of that moment.

After the Oklahoma City bombing, the local citizens tried to set a higher standard. “Something called ‘the Oklahoma Standard’ became known throughout the world. It means resilience in the face of adversity. It means a strength and compassion that will not be defeated.” ~Brad Henry

“People went out of their way to share everything they had to make it comfortable for the rescue workers, the firefighters, anyone who was there to help. This became known as the Oklahoma Standard.“ ~Frank Keating, Former Governor of Oklahoma

Not limited to Oklahoma, we see this standard of behavior all around us with every new tragedy and natural disaster. Whole communities rally to help their neighbors, individuals give well beyond their presumed limits; kindness and compassion grow and forge a greater strength. Perhaps we are beginning to feel the oneness at the core of humanity, and act accordingly.

“We are all different. There is no such thing as a standard or run-of-the-mill human being, but we share the same human spirit.” ~Stephen Hawking

The word that inspired this week’s post is cope.  How are very intuitive and sensitive people able to cope with the increasing trauma of daily living?

Sensitive and intuitive people feel energy at very intense levels. Finding and employing successful ways of coping with upsets, deeply disturbing events, cataclysms and traumas becomes essential to healthy survival.

The juxtaposition of a declaration of national emergency for a wall and the suburban Chicago shooting, coming a day after the first year anniversary of the Parkland School massacre, is so vexing to my highly sensitive person.  If I entertain this plaguing energy, dwelling on the ethos and pathos, it will make me ill.   It is incumbent on me, therefore, to practice the art of mastery.

“Whether trauma will be a cruel and punishing Gorgon or a vehicle for soaring to the heights of transformation and mastery depends upon how we approach it.”  ~Peter Levine

Staying healthy and well requires action; the action of regulation and control.  If I submit my highly sensitive being to the constant battering of my reality, dis-ease is inevitable.

“You cannot control what happens to you but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you.  In that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~Brian Tracy

The two essential keys to achieving mastery of psychic and emotional sensitivity are: a strong, active belief system, and control of the inner dialogue; especially the thought-words that foment hopelessness, helplessness, and anger turned inward manifesting as depression.

“Self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts.  If you don’t control what you think, you cannot control what you do.”  ~Napoleon Hill

“If fear is cultivated it will become stronger, if faith is cultivated it will achieve mastery.”  ~John Paul Jones

This is some of, if not the hardest work we ever do.  Michelangelo said…”If people knew how hard I worked to get mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful at all.”  And Don Miguel Ruiz  wrote, “Practice creates the master.”

Super sensitive people possess the other side of the gold coin.  They routinely see their environment sparkle.  Keenly aware of the world around them, delighting in cloud formations.  Dew sparkling in the morning sun.  The feel and smell of fresh air.  The smiling, knowing, eye contact of a passing stranger.  The uninhibited laughter of children. The shape and color of a fallen leaf.  The feel of water, sun and wind on their bodies.  The mating calls of red hawks.

They feel the beauty and subtle smells, sights and  energies that most people overlook.

Mastery is a process, not an event.  “When you can see mastery as a path you go down instead of a destination you arrive at, it starts to feel accessible and attainable.  Most assume mastery is an end result, but at its core, mastery is a way of thinking, a way of acting and a journey you experience.”  ~Gary Keller.

We cannot master the world, but we can master ourselves.  “One can have no smaller or greater mastery then the mastery of oneself.”   ~Leonardo Da Vinci

Blessings!

There is wisdom in seeking good counsel…helpful advice.  However, to secure wise counsel is to ask it of those who will be objective, compassionate and kind; and to risk hearing what we may not want to hear.

Seeking advice from those we love and respect is to trust that they will be equally respectful, loving and honest with their response.

“Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.”  ~Harper Lee

As the receiver of advice, it is important that we listen with an open mind and an open heart.

“Every man, however wise, needs the advice of some sagacious friend in the affairs of life.”  ~Plautus

Ultimately, we make the final decisions.  Good decisions come from our third chakra.  Manipura, meaning ‘lustrous gem’, the center of personal power, confidence and self-esteem.

No other being is responsible for our choices, and the way we choose to live our life.

Giving advice can be tricky.  If you are asked for your opinion, listen with an open heart and an open mind.  Responding thoughtfully and appropriately with loving care and concern.

If you have not been asked for your insight, examine your motivation carefully before offering advice, and be prepared to be rejected, perhaps even vilified for your efforts.

“Advice is like snow – the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.”  ~Samuel Taylor Coloridge

I was attracted to this quote by Jack Adams, as much for it’s humor as for it’s truth…”If it’s free, it’s advice; if you pay for it, it’s counseling; if you can use either one, it’s a miracle.”

I invite you to consider whom you choose to seek advice from, and how you choose to give advice to others.

Blessings!

Life has it’s ups and downs, peaks and valleys, joys and sorrows, victories and losses, pains and pleasures…a veritable roller coaster ride of emotion.

Disappointment is activated by failure and disillusion; in ourselves, and in others. The antidote for disappointment is hope, trust, and faith.  Striking a balance is necessary to successfully navigate  through storms of disappointment.  Learning not to over invest in expectations, of ourselves and others is an essential aspect of coping with disappointment.

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.”   ~Unknown

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” So the saying goes.  My take is, why stop with lemonade?  Open a store that sells things that are all about lemons.  Lemon themed coffee mugs, glassware, dish towels, aprons, Limoncello, lemon drops, lemon bars, etc.  Metaphorically, profiting from what life gives you.

“There’s always failure.  And there’s always disappointment.  And there’s always loss.  But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.”   ~Michael J. Fox

When deeply mired in the muck of disappointment and loss, processing through to the other side brings renewal and greater wisdom.

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”  ~Eliza Tabor

I invite you this week to seek the gifts of  strength, faith and wisdom that come with disappointment.

Blessings!

Part of the definition of foundation is a basis upon which  something stands, a supporting structure.

To build a strong character that has an abundance of integrity, compassion and sentient awareness, begins with the creation of a solid foundation, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

“A house must be built on solid foundations if it is to last.  The same principle applies to man, otherwise he too will sink back into the soft ground and become swallowed up by the world of illusion.”  ~Sai Baba

Many of us don’t begin our journey through life with a strong, healthy foundation.  However, one can be constructed at any time.  It is hard work which is often avoided, or put off, until some crisis demands a new solid foundation.  The commitment to follow the process through to completion is exceedingly rewarding.

“And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”  ~J. K. Rowling

The work may seem formidable.  In my neighborhood, I see dozens of homes arising from the ashes of last year’s Tubbs fire, in spite of the many hurdles, obstacles and difficult decisions owners have had to make.  And this rebuilding starts with a foundation that cannot be seen via casual observation, yet it supports the promise of new beginnings.

“Process transforms any journey into a series of small steps, taken one by one, to reach any goal.  Process transcends time, teaches patience, rests on a solid foundation of careful preparation, and embodies trust in our unfolding potential.”  ~Dan Millman

Preparing for this week’s blog, brought to mind the fable of The Three Little Pigs.  Anxious to get on with having fun, two of them built homes of straw and sticks respectively.  The third little piggy built his home of brick.  He was chided by the other two for his efforts and the time it was taking to build his sturdy home.

Then along came the Big Bad Wolf.  He came to a house of straw, demanding the little pig come out; he refused. So the wolf huffed and puffed and blew the house down.  The little pig who built the house of sticks met the same fate.

Then the wolf went on to the house built of brick, and hard as he might, all his huffing and puffing could not blow the house down.

Blessings!

…having all it’s proper parts or elements; entire; being healthy or sound.

As sentient beings we can spend a lifetime journeying into the realm of wholeness; to find, invite, nurture and become our authentic selves.

The Knights of the Tarot all represent the search for the Holy Grail; the symbol of God within.

“…our knightly task is to figure out where our place is, to evaluate our experiences and decide what new attitudes and approaches best suit us.  That journey and the adventures, victories, and obstacles we encounter along the way, prepare us to assume our roles as Queens and Kings.”  ~Spiritual Tarot: Echols, Mueller, Thomson (Quill, NY, 1996).

“We need to see, and agree that what we seek already lives within us, and we within it.  Now we know our one great task:  Watch for whatever promises us freedom, and then quietly, consciously refuse to see ourselves through the eyes of what we know is incomplete.  Then we live wholeness itself, instead of spending our lives looking for it.”  ~Guy Finley

The quest, the journey to wholeness is seldom undertaken and sustained through to it’s reward.  The path is fraught with peril. Self-doubt; a tenacious clinging to unhealthy patterns because they exude comfort and safety, even though they are the very Demons of fear that keep us prisoners, make us unable to accept the grace and forgiveness of divine pardon. Thus preventing our escape to the nurturing love of the authentic self.  Additionally, the time, dedication and courage required to seek after and capture the Holy Grail discourages most of us.

“The journey to wholeness requires that you look honestly, openly, and with courage into yourself, into the dynamics that lie behind what you feel, what you perceive, what you value, and how you act.  It is a journey through your defenses and beyond, so that you can experience consciously the nature of your personality, face what it has produced in your life, and choose to change that.  Words lead to deeds.  They prepare the soul, make it ready, and move it to tenderness.”  ~Gary Zukav

Although the journey to wholeness is perhaps the greatest challenge we face in the quest for the Holy Grail, success and reward defy description.  However, there are many palpable rewards: inner peace, especially amidst social, political and personal upheaval; no need to fear/react/behave based on what others think of us; authentic self-confidence based upon intimate knowledge of  our personal strengths and weaknesses; the ability to successfully deal with cognitive dissonance; and a deep, abiding, intimate connection with others and with the sacred energy of all life.

“You see, the condition of wholeness demands an inner quiet, a state of serenity and contentment.  Nurturing intimacy with oneself can be done only in a tranquil setting, a space where noise and chatter diminish and one’s own personhood comes to the surface.”  ~Susan Dietz (Press Democrat, Single File, December 22, 2018)

I invite you to find, nurture and protect your sacred space.  The haven and refuge of wholeness.

Blessings!